Dear New Mama

Dear new mama,

3 weeks after my son was born last summer, my hubby, new babe, dog and I all moved in with my parents for 3 months.

I remember years before being a mother, hearing about a new mom who just days after giving birth had a panic attack and had to go to the emergency room.

In the very early days of my new mama journey, I totally got that.

Though we had a relatively smooth home birth and had planned and utilized a ton of early postpartum support, I was still thrown for a loop.

My baby would not nap unless it was on me and in the early days I was resisting that hard, listening to internet wisdom rather than my own intuition.

I was exhausted. Healing from a painful yoni tear. Unsure of myself and unsteady in my mothering choices thus far, and feeling like I was doing everything wrong.

Additionally my sweet baby boy was colicky. He seemed to be constantly in pain or angry, only briefly soothed by breastfeeding or being outside.

I can remember in those very early weeks thinking about how challenging new mamahood is. How it broke every preconceived notion of how it would look or feel or go.

Many days I felt like I was falling with nothing to hold on to. I was embarrassed for feeling unable to do everything gracefully and also guilty for not enjoying the newborn time as much as everyone told me I would.

Motherhood has been deeply sweet. But those early days and weeks...not so much.

As I reflect on almost a year of motherhood, I have also been thinking of all the new mamas out there. Dealing with birthing a soul into these times while simultaneously familiarizing themselves with who they are as a freshly created mother.

What I want to say to you, dear new mama, is:

I see you.

I see you attempting to find a foothold in a new world of motherhood while the world around you is crumbling.

I see you considering who can safely be around your new family while desperately needing - for yourself - the healing and immune boosting power of human touch.

I see you buffering the palatable fear in the air with a daily choice to beam out love - to stand by the fact that this is a beautiful world, and it’s becoming more beautiful thanks to the little one in your arms.

I see you wanting to hold it together in front of your partner but needing a good rage cry in the shower while you wonder what in the world you’re doing.

I see you wanting help so badly but not knowing how or who or when it can come to your aid.

I see you holding out hope and a vision of beautiful things for the future - travel, health, hugging, healing, playing.

I see you confused and lost and sad.

I see you hopeful, heart-full, intuitive.

I see the contradiction and the desire to transcend it.

And I want to remind you of something very, very important.

You were born for this. And your baby chose you to be its mama. To be its first teacher. To be its fierce, intuitive dragon-mama of protection and loving projection.

Your baby could have chosen anyone. He chose you. She chose you.

You are the exact mama needed for the moment.

You have what it takes - even on days when you feel like you don’t.

You are stronger than you know and wiser than you may realize.

You are wired with the perfect instincts to love, nurture, and care for this being.

And you are creating a gift for the future.

You were born for these times. And that sweet little babe you’re holding also signed up for the wild ride of right now - one of the bravest of the brave here to shepherd in a new age.

And you can do this. Together.

I encourage you to turn down the volume of all things external. Especially the ones shouting about fear and anger.

I encourage you to turn up that inner guiding voice of compassion, and self-trust. Even if she’s barely a whisper. She’s there just waiting for you to remember to listen.

I encourage you to remember that you have a strength and a spiritual resume that could make jaws drop. Yes. You. Yes, you do.

I encourage you to reach out to other mamas, and friends, and aunties for that loving feminine support to remind yourself you are not alone.

I encourage you to take things day by day, hour by hour, breath by breath and at times even moment by moment.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to concern yourself with the rest of the world.

Watch the unique and exquisite being in front of you. He is like none other. She is like none other. Be with them from the heart. Make choices from the wisdom that lives there above all else.

And sweet new mama, it’s ok if it’s hard. Especially hard right now.

We grow tremendously in times of challenge.

You are doing a great job. You are loved and supported - even if it’s from afar.

You are not alone.

I see you. I am praying for you. You can do this.

Your love is changing the world for the better.